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Spread the Love
Feb 9, 2012
Lately I’ve gotten a startling number of requests for dating advice from people who know me, and should therefore know better. They are surely aware that the closest I’ve come to a date in the last three years was the time I told a lonely ex-Hutterite that my ideal Sunday dinner was chicken and dumplings. Never mention dumplings to a single Hutterite male — he’ll get the wrong idea about you for sure.
Even though my friends have mistaken my jaded air for worldly wisdom, I feel compelled to oblige them as best I can. Here’s some of the questionable dating advice I’ve been handing out lately. Feel free to add your own advice in the comments, so I can steal it and look smarter next time I’m asked for guidance.
- Wear clean clothes. This is probably always a good idea when you’re going out in public. If you’re in an emergency date situation and cannot be clean, be prepared to be extra charming to compensate.
- Be yourself — but not too much yourself, or your date will get scared. On the other hand, maybe you should unleash the full force of your personality on them. Weeding out the timid right away saves time in the long run.
- A lady does not arm wrestle on the first date.
- I’ve never forgotten what my kindergarten teacher told me: red and green clash. Dating people of different races, religions, political beliefs and sports affiliations is fine, but never get serious with someone of a different tractor faith.
With brilliant advice like that, is it any wonder no one’s had much luck? Ah, but since store-bought romance is in the air, my single female friends are feeling twitchy. How will they cope with being alone on Valentine’s Day? I say we take a tip from the late Tub Rath, mentioned in our last e-newsletter, who faithfully delivered holiday goodies to the women of Wasta for many years. Perhaps instead of waiting for someone to show up with boxed treats, sappy cards and out-of-season flowers, we should take some initiative and spread a little love around town ourselves. I’ll be doing it with cookies.
Oatmeal Valentine Cookies
2 1/2 cups sifted flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
3/4 cup soft butter or oleo
3/4 cup sugar
2 tablespoons milk
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 cup oatmeal (quick or old-fashioned)
Powdered Sugar Icing
Red food coloring
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Sift flour, baking powder and salt into a bowl. Add butter, sugar, milk, eggs and vanilla. Beat until well blended, about 2 minutes. Stir in oatmeal. Roll dough out on lightly floured board to 1/4 inch thickness. Bake 8-10 minutes or until lightly browned. Cool on wire rack.
Add confectioner’s sugar to a bowl with a dash of vanilla, a few drops of food coloring (if desired) and a bit of milk. Stir thoroughly, adding milk as needed until icing is thick enough to spread but still runny enough to ooze a little. Spread onto cooled cookies, and let dry.